Disagreeable Thoughts

So I’ve been thinking lately. Some of the things I think about make me feel a little down, some of the things I think about elate me, some of things I think about piss me off and some of them terrify me. The point I’m trying to make is, I don’t just think happy thoughts. In fact, I’d say the around 80% of my thoughts are disagreeable to me. But I still think about them. And why not? Why should I stop any line of thinking just because I don’t like what it’ll lead to. Why should I be willfully ignorant to facets of my imagination just because they may not make me happy?

The reason I bring this up is because I was talking to some people. Specifically two, so I don’t know if this is a pattern, or these two people are the only two people in the world that do this. And when I related to them unhappy thoughts that I’d explored, they asked me why I’d think about them. The question confused me. I told them that I wouldn’t not think about something just because it I didn’t like what it might lead to. That just doesn’t make sense. They told me that I would probably be a lot happier if I did ignore these thoughts. So what? I’d rather be miserable but exploring the full spectrum of thought than be a happy fuck who lives in a fantasy world.

In my life news, I’m still waiting on my graduate school applications. Right now I’m expecting decisions from McGill and Queen’s any day and finishing up applications for Dalhousie, Concordia and UVic. I’d prefer to go to Montreal, and really don’t want to go to Queen’s, but it all depends on who accepts me.

tiemann Relative intensity or amount, as of a quality or attribute of thought Mar '05

Interesting. Considering you were speaking of something specific I don't know how much this thought applies, but figured I'd go with it anyway. Everyone is ignorant about their surroundings to a degree. We all live in fantasy worlds. I can think of the horror of poverty all around the world. I can then take these thoughts and whirl them into a disgust with the rest of the world so extreme that the only conclusion I can come to is anyone with an excess beyond shelter, health and nourishment is a greedy and uncaring asshole. I am knowingly ignorant of these situations because the distance that separates me from it all. I know that when poverty stricken Yolande Mukagasana dies in her mothers arms on any given day, the pain will be all to real for the family members. I live in a fantasy world where I do nothing to prevent this from happening again. It's too distant. I rarely even think about it. It's the whole flip the channel when there's something on you can't stomach type deal. It's just too easy. I'm not suggesting one should live an ignorantly blissful existence. I hope not to suggest anything but bring some thoughts to the outside world. I would assume that many of these negative thoughts you are having strike a cord closer to home though. They influence you directly (I could be wrong). But so does the death of Yolande Mukagasana to someone else. However, things aren't that simple. There are ideas of progress, ie. capitalism as the inevitable evil to a better world; that may prevent someone from donating their capital to poverty stricken countries in light of the supposed long term fix. So who is ignorant then? Ignorance is the feel good story of every year. On another note, spending your days thinking about things disagreeable to you may not be healthy on a more physical/mental level. In my opinion. The more you do/think anything, the more it sticks with you. You learn to think this way. Similar to the whole idea of being depressed. Connections in the brain relating to these thoughts strengthen every time they're activated. Three years down the road, a cloudy day is macabre, a broken dish "always happens to you", and doing [insert activity here] is a wasted effort in the end. Refuting my own intentions, an open mind is a simple proposition. However, it has to be ignorant of practically all the matter in the universe for it to function properly.

2 comments

mckayc Re: Relative intensity or amount, as of a quality or attribute of thought Mar '05

What I think you're speaking of is what I often refer to as "scope". Not the mouthwash, but more on the level at which you're willing to relate things. For instance, people willfully ignore things on a large scope (poverty, war, etc.) and on a local scope (you don't care that your girlfriend is mad). There are also all kinds of different filters we can apply to concentrate our scope on different things. If I define a filter as only allowing me to consider the various possible futures I have, then my scope is limited to what that filter will allow. Hopefully, you get the idea. Now, your rant (to me) seemed to concentrate on global versus local. That is, you are pointing out that we seem to be more concerned about our immediate problems, and not the problems of those who are geographically or culturally far different than us (in the anglosphere). And in certain lights, it's understandable. Just as our minds could not possibly function if their inputs were not preprocessed and filtered by our brain, we could not get anything done if we were worried about all the Yolande Mukagasana's dying in their mother's arms. However, my rant (to me) concentrated on something different. My issue was that people were not willing to think thoughts that were disagreeable. For instance, they would not be willing to consider their mortality, even though it is something that it is sometimes beneficial to think about. Other thoughts include their futures, what things they hold as very important in their lives mean, and why they respect certain morals above all else. Often, people do not want to ask these questions, because they are afraid of the answers. Or worse, they are afraid there will be no answers. And when this happens, sometimes the framework of their core beliefs is suddenly not so strong. And suddenly, things that seemed to be 100% true are now questionable at best. It is the avoidance of these thoughts that bothers me. Though they may not be "pleasurable" to think about, they are much more healthy on the mental level because they force you to leave your life of ignorance and enter into an existence that isn't based on an unquestioned inherited framework of morals and beliefs, but instead on understanding.