Well, I’m back in Kingston living with Mr. Gregs and Ankur. So far it’s been pretty good, but it’s far different living with two people than it is living with five. It’s so much quieter and tame. On the other hand, I suppose it’s quite conducive to doing work. But what’s the fun in that?

Anyway, I was watching Farscape (surprise, surprise) and there was an interesting idea in the show that provoked some new thought for me regarding death. One of the spiritual characters in the show, Stark, is asked what happens when one dies. Stark replies with something like “so many different beliefs, so many different destinations.” To me, Stark is implying that we all go to where we think we’re going to go. That is, whatever you think will happen to you, will happen. So, if you think death is a big black emptiness, you’ll go there. If you think you go to heaven, you go there. Thus, if Hitler thought he was going to heaven, then he went.

Now, there are of course problems with this idea. Many of us are unsure as to what we believe, so where would we go? To that, I think by Stark’s interpretation, you go somewhere between. That is, life and death are not two binary states. If we define true death as your final destination (if that even exists) then there are varying degrees of how close one is to actually acheiving this true death.

In the same vein, if we look at life, we notice something similiar. True, we know trivially that by being alive, we are not dead. But, we don’t know where we are going, really. If someone asks you what the meaning of life is, you can’t really answer it. This is mostly because the idea of anything really meaning anything is arbitrary. If I say that the meaning of life is the pursuit of happiness, then, assuming I accept this hypothesis which is itself completely arbitrary, I still need to define what is happiness. If I am wealthy, have an acceptable wife and healthy children, am I happy? For some reason, this is doubtful to me. I feel I’ll always be questioning where I’m going and why. Will I ever truly be happy?

Yes and no. Like the old saying goes, life is like being stapled to a wheel. Sometimes you’re on the top part of the wheel, and life is beautfiul. You’re happy as a pig in shit. Unfortunately, this wheel is defined by the parameterization c(t) = (cos(t), sin(t)), where t is the time-varying variable. Now, as we know, time is generally increasing, so we know that our position on this wheel is always moving around the circle. That is, the wheel is always turning. So, sooner or later, that wheel is going to rotate our poor stapled bodies into the mud. And life will be shitty. Fortunately, by the same argument, this wheel will eventually roll out of the mud and we’ll be flying high. And be happy.

But I’ve gone off point because I felt like exhibiting my incredible vector calculus skillz. The point is, everything you know in life is completely relative. Anything that means anything is because you’ve defined it that way as a mixture of instinct, indoctrination, and emotion. Not killing people, though coinciding with my morals, isn’t necessarily right. It’s just something I believe in. I’ve defined it as right. But this definition, as I said previously, is arbitrary. It’s not absolute at all.

I’m confusing myself. I need more time to straighten these thoughts out. Thanks for listening.