This one is short. I recently wrote my not very well liked ex-girlfriend Kathryn a rather neutral e-mail asking for some books back that I lent her.

For the record:

Kathryn, I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore, but I would like my Java textbook and Sophie's World back. How would you like to do this? I can come by your place or you can drop them off here. I'm fine either way. Cameron

I must stress that I lent her the Java textbook for a class to SAVE HER MONEY and the other book in a failed attempt to enlighten her. Irregardless, her response was the following:

Ok, I will return your Java text and Sophie's World but I would like to have my black and white picture back. It is my favourite picture and since I don't have a dark room, it is my only copy. Let me know when is best for you, Kathryn

Hmmmm… her black and white picture. Oh, right, now I remember that. Her fucking Chirstmas present to me. That’s right. She wants back a PRESENT SHE GAVE ME. Naturally, my response was a little less neutral.

I see. Apparently I wasn't aware that christmas presents were contingent on successful relationships. But I digress. It appears that you feel you should get something in return for something I lent you, and since I prefer those books, I will give your black and white picture back. Unfortunately you will to wait a bit, as it is in Toronto and I will need it shipped here. I will write you when I receive it. Cameron

I’m utterly flabbergasted. I mean, who asks for a Christmas present back? Apparently my gift etiquette-challenged ex-girlfriend.

That about wraps it up.